garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
