dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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