I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
