Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
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I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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