Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
