New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
