is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
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I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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