So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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