grandma shit on top of the toilet
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
