Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
