I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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