So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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