Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
