So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
