We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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