And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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