Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
