Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
