can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
