Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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