its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
In America we eat man semen.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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