last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
