you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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