batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
