I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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