just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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