since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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