covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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