i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize