shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Sober January is a disaster.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
