so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
