very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
