I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
