nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
