Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
