so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink