this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
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that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
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it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out