I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
