it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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