She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
