remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
