There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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