She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
