I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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