He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
