I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
