I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
