Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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