Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
