You really coming over, don't trick.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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