By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
