ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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