i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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