Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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