The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
