the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
