oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
