totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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