guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
