I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
