Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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