totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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