Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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