btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
