What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
