Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
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Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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