Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
