this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
