I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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