Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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