Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
