Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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