ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
