hell yes lets make some ravioli
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
