I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
