I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
