I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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