I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
