She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
