How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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