Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
