What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
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Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
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I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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