Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
