Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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