i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize