i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
