woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
