I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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